mtg.wtf

Start your engines!
{T}: Add {C}.
Max Speed — {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}, {T}: Mill seven cards. Choose a playtest card from among them. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. If Team Cloudspire won the race, copy it and you may choose new targets for the copy. If Team Speed Demons won the race, each opponent loses life equal to its mana value.
The Mystery Raceway can be your commander.

At the beginning of your end step, if your life total is on the lazy caterer's sequence, create a Food token. If it's a Fibonacci number, create a 0/0 green and blue Fractal creature token, then put a +1/+1 counter on each Fractal you control. If it's a square number, put three +1/+1 counters on each creature you control whose power and toughness are equal. (You'll want to look these up.)

Flying, trample, rampage 2
{W}{U}{B}{R}{G}: Elder Dragons you control get +7/+7 until end of turn.
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Eldest Dragon Highlander unless you pay {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}.

Draw three cards.

Search your library for a Battle card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

You gain 3 life. Draw three cards. Add {B}{B}{B}. This spell deals 3 damage to any target. Target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

The Beleaguered Boxer can't be your Commander unless your deck is 100 cards and originally built out of no more than 36 booster packs, plus basic lands.
When The Beleaguered Boxer enters the battlefield, open a Magic booster pack. Remove up to three cards in your hand or graveyard from your deck permanently. For each card removed this way, add a card from that pack to your hand. Those cards are now permanently part of your deck.

Flying
Whenever The Dogronmaster or another Dragon or Dog enters the battlefield under your control, create a token that's a copy of the card Armadillo Cloak and attach it to that creature.

When The Duke of Midrange enters the battlefield, choose one of Thoughtseize, Lightning Bolt, or Abrupt Decay. Cast a copy of the chosen card without paying its mana cost.
The Duke of Midrange's power is equal to the number of card types among cards in all graveyards and its toughness is equal to that number plus 1.

{T}, Exile Black Tulip: Add three mana of any one color. You can't activate this ability until you've begun your sixth turn of the game. (Keep track if this is in your deck!)

Ward—You get two poison counters.
Annihilator X, where X is the total number of poison counters your opponents have.
When you cast That Which Was Compleated, you may put a card an opponent owns in exile into their graveyard. If you do, they get two poison counters.

{T}: Put an acquired taste counter on this artifact.
{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You draw two cards and lose 4 life. Then you gain 1 life for each acquired taste counter on this artifact.

When this creature enters, each player creates two 1/1 black Bird creature tokens with flying.
Birds are Cowards in addition to their other types.
Cowards can't attack or block creatures you control.

When Cat Oven enters the battlefield, create a Food token.
{T}, Sacrifice a Food: Create a 1/1 black Cat creature token. Each opponent loses 1 life and you gain 1 life.

Suspend 2—{2} (Deep Dish Pizza has no mana cost and must be suspended.)
{2}, Sacrifice Deep Dish Pizza: Gain 3 life, draw three cards, and Deep Dish Pizza deals 3 damage to each opponent.

Flying
Whenever you cast a spell, put charge counters equal to four times that spell's mana value on this Vehicle.
Remove 121 charge counters from this Vehicle: Take an extra turn after this one.
Crew 1

Equipped creature has +2/+2 and has protection from Aliens, Birds, Eldrazi, Lizards, Mutants, Robots, Yetis, and hybrid mana.
Whenever equipped creature deals damage to a player with a conspiracy in their command zone, draw a card.
Equip {2}

Cast a random Lesson spell without paying its mana cost. If that spell has X in its mana cost, X is 3. (As of today, there are 20 lessons. Perhaps look up a list and roll a d20?)

Bag of Stroopwafels enters the battlefield with eight stroopwafel counters on it.
{3}, {T}, Remove a stroopwafel counter from Bag of Stroopwafels: You gain 3 life and draw a card.

Whenever a creature you control dies, put an art counter on Famous Museum.
{T}: Add {C}, plus an additional {C} for each art counter on Famous Museum.

{T}, Discard a card: Choose a card name that hasn't been chosen among Who, What, When, Where, and Why. Create a copy of the card with the chosen name. You may cast the copy. (You still pay its costs. Who//What//When//Where//Why is a split card from Unhinged.)

Reach, defender
Commander spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.
Whenever you cast a commander spell, create X 1/1 Stained Glass artifact creature tokens that are all colors, where X is the number of colors of that commander.

For Segovia! (When this Equipment enters the battlefield, create a -1/-1 blue Squid creature token, then attach this to it. Yes, it's a -1/-1 creature.)
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has skulk (It can't be blocked by creatures with greater power.)
Equip {3}

Imprint — When Compleated Clone Shell enters the battlefield, look at four random cards from your sideboard and exile one face down.
When Compleated Clone Shell dies, turn the exiled card face up. You may cast it without paying its mana cost.

Pledge (Join a two-colored guild if you haven't already this game.)
{T}: Add three mana in any combination of your guild's colors